200+ Mulla Nasrudin Stories and Jokes Read online

  What in the World Were You Smuggling?

  Nasrudin the smuggler was leading a donkey that had bundles of straw on its back. An experienced border inspector spotted Nasrudin coming to his border.

  “Halt,” the inspector said. “What is your business here?”

  “I am an honest smuggler!“ replied Nasrudin.

  “Oh, really?” said the inspector. “Well, let me search those straw bundles. If I find something in them, you are required to pay a border fee!“

  “Do as you wish,” Nasrudin replied, “but you will not find anything in those bundles.”

  The inspector intensively searched and took apart the bundles, but could not find a single thing in them. He turned to Nasrudin and said, “I suppose you have managed to get one by me today. You may pass the border.”

  Nasrudin crossed the border with his donkey while the annoyed inspector looked on. And then the very next day, Nasrudin once again came to the border with a straw-carrying donkey. The inspector saw Nasrudin coming and thought, “I’ll get him for sure this time.”

  He checked the bundles of straw again, and then searched through the Nasrudin’s clothing, and even went through the donkey’s harness. But once again he came up empty handed and had to let Nasrudin pass.

  This same pattern continued every day for several years, and every day Nasrudin wore more and more extravagant clothing and jewelry that indicated he was getting wealthier. Eventually, the inspector retired from his longtime job, but even in retirement he still wondered about the man with the straw-carrying donkey.

  “I should have checked that donkey’s mouth more extensively,” he thought to himself. “Or maybe he hid something in the donkey’s rectum.”

  Then one day he spotted Nasrudin’s face in a crowd. “Hey,” the inspector said, “I know you! You are that man who came to my border everyday for all those years with a donkey carrying straw. Please, sir, I must talk to you.”

  Nasrudin came towards him and the inspector continued talking. “My friend, I always wondered what you were smuggling past my border everyday. Just between you and me, you must tell me. I must know. What in the world were you smuggling for all those years? I must know!“

  Nasrudin simply replied, “donkeys.”

  How Old Are You?

  Friend: “How old are you, Mulla?”

  Mulla: “Forty-five.”

  Friend: “But that’s what you said when I asked you ten years ago!“

  Mulla: “That’s right-I always stand by what I have said!“

  Bravo

  Nasrudin went hunting with the village mayor. They found a turkey, and the mayor shot and missed it.

  “Bravo!“ Nasrudin shouted.

  The mayor angrily turned to him and said, “How dare you make fun of me!“

  “I wasn’t making fun of you,” Nasrudin replied. “I was saying bravo to the turkey!“

  The Missed Appointment

  A philosopher made an appointment with Nasrudin to have a scholarly discussion. When the day came, the philosopher dropped by Nasrudin’s house as planned. However, Nasrudin wasn’t home. The philosopher angrily took his pencil out of his pocket and wrote Asshole on Nasrudin’s door, and then left

  Nasrudin finally came home later and saw this. He quickly realized that he had missed his appointment, and he darted off to the philosopher’s house.

  “Forgive my error,” Nasrudin told the philosopher when he got there. “I totally forgot about our appointment today. But when I got home and saw that you had written your name on my door, I immediately remembered and I came here as fast as I could.”

  The Mayor’s Poems

  The village mayor wrote a poem and read it to Nasrudin.

  “Did you like the poem?” he asked.

  “No, not really,” Nasrudin replied, “it wasn’t very good.”

  The mayor was enraged, and he sentenced Nasrudin to three days in jail. The next week, the mayor called Nasrudin in his office to read him another poem he had written. When the mayor finished reading, he turned to Nasrudin and asked, “Well, what do you think of this one?”

  Nasrudin did not say anything, and immediately began walking away. The mayor inquired, “Just where do you think you’re going?’

  “To jail!“ Nasrudin replied.

  The Loan Request

  ___ “I really need to borrow a thousand dollars for three months. Can you help me out?”

  “Well,” Nasrudin replied, “I can fulfill half of your loan request.”

  “OK; that’s fine,” the friend said, “I’m sure I can get the other five hundred dollars somewhere else.”

  “You misunderstood me,” Nasrudin explained. “The half of your loan request I agreed to was the time: the three months. As for the 1000 toman, I cannot give it to you.”

  Stubborn

  Nasrudin and his wife got in a dispute over who would have to plant the wheat crop. They decided to have a bet. Whoever spoke first would have to plant the wheat.

  His wife then went out to go buy the wheat. As Nasrudin waited at home, a thief broke in, and stole everything. All the while, Nasrudin remained speechless, intent on not losing the bet with his wife.

  When his wife got home, she saw the robber leaving with the possessions. She entered the near empty house and yelled at Nasrudin, “You foolish son of a...”

  Nasrudin interrupted her and said, “You lose the bet. Now go plant the wheat, and use that time to realize what has happened to you because of your stubborn attitude!“

  A Lesson

  Nasrudin was teaching his son life lessons. “Never give anybody anything immediately,” he said. “Wait until at least a couple of days have gone by.”

  “But why?” his son inquired.

  “Because,” Nasrudin responded, “people appreciate receiving something much more if they first have to doubt whether or not they will actually get it!“

  Shave

  A man, noticing Nasrudin’s light beard, remarked, “You don’t shave very often, do you?”

  “Quite the contrary,” Nasrudin replied, “I shave about forty five times a day!“

  “You must be a psycho, or perhaps a werewolf!“ the man asked.

  “No,” replied Nasrudin. “I am a barber.”

  Too Hot, Too Cold

  Nasrudin was listening to a group of people in the midst of a scholarly discussion. One sage remarked, “People are so unreasonable-they complain of cold in the winter, and of heat in the summer. Is there nothing that can satisfy people?”

  “Well,” replied Nasrudin, what about fall and spring?”

  Can I Borrow Your Donkey?

  “Can I borrow your donkey?” a neighbor asked Nasrudin at his door.

  “I’d love to help you,” was the reply, “but I’ve already lent it to someone else.”

  Just then, a loud “hee-haw” came from Nasrudin’s yard.

  “Hey,” the man said, “I just heard the donkey make a noise from your yard!“

  Nasrudin quickly retorted, “Do you mean to tell me that you’re going to take the word of a donkey over mine?”

  The Restaurant Bill

  Judge Nasrudin was presiding over a case.

  The plaintiff went first and exclaimed, “The defendant refuses to pay his restaurant bill!“

  “I would have,” the defendant countered, “but he charged me two hundred dollars for three hardboiled eggs!“

  “Is this true?” Nasrudin asked the plaintiff.

  “Well,” the other replied, “as I explained to him earlier, those eggs could have been hatched into chickens, which in turn would have produced more eggs, which in turn would have hatched into more chickens, and so on, and so forth. The way I see it, his three eggs would have yielded me hundreds of dollars worth of chickens and eggs.”

  “OK,” Nasrudin replied. “Wait here while I go plant some boiled peas in my garden.”

  “But Judge,” the plaintiff said, “boiled peas will not grow into anything.”

  “In that case,”
Nasrudin replied, “this case is dismissed!“

  Location

  A man noticed Nasrudin digging a hole, and asked him about it.

  The reply was, “I buried something in this field last month, and I’ve been trying to find it all morning.”

  “Well,” said the other, “did you have some kind of marking system for it.”

  Nasrudin said, “Of course I did! When I was burying it, there was a cloud directly over it that cast a shadow—but now I can’t find that cloud, either!“

  The Donkey Seller

  Nasrudin brought his donkey to sell at the bazaar.

  The donkey, however, would not cooperate, and bit every single person who tried to inspect it.

  A nearby seller noticed all of this, and said, “Do you really expect to sell a donkey that behaves like that?”

  “No,” Nasrudin replied, “not really. I just brought him here so other people would experience what I have to put up with every day!“

  Lost Donkey

  Nasrudin lost his donkey, and began praying to God, saying, “If you help me find my lost donkey, I will donate a thousand dollars to charity.”

  An hour later, he found the donkey, and then prayed again, this time saying, “Oh, thank you God, I am grateful for your help. In fact, I promise to donate the original thousand dollars I pledged, plus an addition thousand dollars, if you help me find ten thousand dollars.”

  Running and Singing

  Nasrudin was running and singing at the same time.

  As he passed by several people, one of them, greatly curious about Nasrudin’s rather bizarre behavior, decided to run after him and ask him about it.

  Nasrudin, however, did not seem to notice, and continued his singing jog as the other man followed.

  As they passed through another section of town, another man noticed the pair, and he too became so curious that he decided to chase along after them.

  A minute later, Nasrudin finally came to a stop, and his two followers also followed suit and stopped right next to him.

  After a few seconds of silence, the original follower finally

  *

  stopped, giving his follower a chance to pose his question to the Mulla.

  “Mulla Nasrudin,” the man said. “Why on earth were you running and singing?”

  Nasrudin replied, “Well, people always tell me that I have a beautiful voice when it is heard from a distance, so I now I want to hear it, too!“

  Clothes Shopping

  Nasrudin was shopping for clothes. He tried on a coat, and then took it off, and said to the storeowner, “Well, I don’t really want this. Take it and give me a pair of pants instead.”

  The storeowner did, and then Nasrudin put the pants on and began walking out of the store. The storeowner stopped him and said, “Sir, you forgot to pay me for those pants.”

  Nasrudin replied, “I exchanged the coat for these pants.”

  The storeowner said, “But you did not pay for that coat, either.”

  Nasrudin responded, “Of course I didn’t. Why would I pay for something I chose not to take!“

  Nasrudin the Hen Salesman

  As Nasrudin walked through the bazaar one day, he noticed a few merchants selling small parrots for two hundred dollars a piece.

  He thought to himself, “If each of these small birds are worth two hundred dollars, then the big hen I have at home is surely worth far more.”

  So the next day he brought his hen to the bazaar and was eager to cash in. But to his surprise, the most anyone offered for it was five dollars. He shouted out, “This does not make sense. Only yesterday, there were much smaller birds here that were selling for many times what I am being offered for this bird.”

  One man heard him and responded, “Sir, those birds were parrots, and they are worth more than your bird because they talk, just like people.”

  “Nonsense,” said Nasrudin. “You value those birds because they talk, yet the one I have here is far better.”

  “How so?” inquired the man.

  “Because,” Nasrudin replied, “this one has many wonderful thoughts, just like people-and not only that, it doesn’t constantly bother others with annoying chatter!“

  Late One Night

  Late one night, a local security watchman spotted Nasrudin standing outside of his house prying open the window to his own bedroom.

  “Nasrudin,” the watchman said, “what are you doing? Did you get locked out?”

  Nasrudin replied, “Please stay quiet. I have been told that I walk in my sleep, so I am trying to sneak up on myself and find out what I talk about.”

  This Tree is Four Thousand Years Old

  Scientist: “According to our calculations, this tree is four thousand years old.”

  Nasrudin: “No—it’s four thousand and two years old.”

  “Oh come now; what makes you say that?”

  “Because you told me that this tree was four thousand years old when I was here with you two years ago!“

  Did You Hear the News?

  Some of Nasrudin’s acquaintances wanted to get Nasrudin to kill his biggest goat and invite them for a meal.

  One day they told him, “Did you hear the news?”

  “No, what is it?” Nasrudin replied.

  “The world is coming to an end tomorrow!“ the friend said.

  Upon hearing this, Nasrudin invited all of them to dinner that night to eat the goat. They came to his house and ate it—but upon finishing it, they discovered that Nasrudin had taken all of their coats and used them to kindle his fire.

  They began protesting with anger, but Nasrudin interrupted them and remarked, “Don’t you remember that the world is coming to an end tomorrow? What difference does it make if you have your coats or not?”

  Larger Steak

  A traveling scholar treated Nasrudin to a meal at a local restaurant.

  The scholar ordered two lamb steaks—and several minutes later, after the waiter brought back a platter containing one medium sized steak and one larger one, Nasrudin immediately took the larger steak and put in on his plate.

  The scholar looked at him with total disbelief. “What you did violates virtually every moral, ethical, etiquette, and religious principle there is,” the scholar began explaining. He continued with a long lecture.

  When he finally finished talking, Nasrudin asked, “Well, may I ask what you would have done if you were in my situation?”

  “Yes,” the scholar replied. “I would have taken the smaller steak for myself.”

  Nasrudin placed the smaller steak on the scholar’s plate and said, “OK, fine—here you go!“

  Avoiding Criticism

  Nasrudin and his son were traveling with their donkey. Nasrudin preferred to walk while his son rode the donkey. But then they passed a group of bystanders, and one scoffed, “Look—that selfish boy is riding on a donkey while his poor old father is forced to walk alongside. That is so disrespectful. What a horrible and spoiled child!“

  Nasrudin and his son felt embarrassed, so they switched spots—this time Nasrudin rode the donkey while his son walked. Soon they passed another group of people. “Oh, that’s detestable!“ one of them exclaimed. “That poor young boy has to walk while his abusive father rides the donkey! That horrible man should be ashamed of himself for the way he’s treating his son. What a heartless parent!“

  Nasrudin was upset to hear this. He wanted to avoid anybody else’s scorn, so he decided to have both himself and his son ride the donkey at the same time. As they both rode, they passed another group of people. “That man and his son are so cruel,” one bystander said. “Just look at how they are forcing that poor donkey to bear the weight if two people. They should be put in jail for their despicable act. What scoundrels!“

  Nasrudin heard this and told his son, “I guess the only way we can avoid the derisive comments of others is to both walk.”

  “I suppose you are right,” the son replied.

  So they got off the donkey and
continued on foot. But as they passed another group of people, they heard them laughing. “Ha, ha, ha,” the group jeered. “Look at those two fools. They are so stupid that both of them are walking under this scorching hot sun and neither of them is riding the donkey! What morons!“

  It Was Just My Clothes

  Nasrudin’s wife heard a loud noise in the next room. She went to inspect it, and saw her husband sitting on the floor.

  “What was that?” she cried.

  “It was just my clothes,” replied Nasrudin. “They fell down.”

  “But how could your clothes make such a loud noise?” she asked.

  “Because I was in them,” replied Nasrudin.

  The Door

  Friend: “Mulla, why are you always carrying a door with you?”

  Mulla: “Oh, its just a security measure: since the only way to enter my house is through the door, I always carry the door with me!“

  A Good Time to Eat

  Man: “Nasrudin, when is a good time to eat?”

  Nasrudin: “Well, for the rich, anytime, and for the poor, anytime they find food.”

  A Great Home?

  Nasrudin was inspecting a house he wanted to buy. The home’s next-door neighbor noticed, walked over, and began telling him how great of a house it was.

  When he finished talking, Nasrudin remarked, “Well, what you’re saying might be true, but there is one drawback to living here that you neglected to tell me about.”

  “What’s that?”

  “A nosey neighbor!“